Colonoscopy Prep Arrgh Help Me
All of a sudden my colon, it’s cleansing and the misery I suffered after preparing for a colonoscopy has become a major issue for me. The beginning of the end for my father was colon cancer. Every year, I’ll probably end up lying on my left side, in a Versed & Demerol haze with a doctor sticking his flexible four feet up my ass, hunting for polyps to burn off. The colonoscopy procedure was no problem. I was totally zonked, fast asleep. The MD had to talk to Victoria in the recovery area. I remember nothing.
The preparation was miserable. I was okay with the two 45ml doses of Fleet Phospho-Soda . With ice cold Diet Doctor Pepper, I chugged it right down. I was prepared for the diarrhea. I knew I would be making numerous trips to the bathroom and that I would be on the toilet well past my usual bedtime. I even bought an ointment to soothe the anal irritation that was bound to happen. I was determined not to get dehydrated, so I drank ten 500 ml bottles of Dasani water while I watched the late NBA playoff game. I even missed the last second shot from downtown to win the game. I was on the toilet. So why did I feel so miserable all night long?
I had a thumping headache. I wanted to vomit. I felt miserable. My mouth was dry and more water did not help. How could I be dehydrated when I drank so much water?
This is ridiculous, that I would spend so much time with the subject of colonoscopy preparation taking up so much of my attention. A colleague, this weekend, told me about a new hydration product called HydraLife ™. He said that it is the only product on the market designed for adult hydration during colonoscopy prep. I wondered about that ONLY business.
I don’t usually just willy nilly accept advice about important matters. But, like it or not, dehydration due to colon cleansing was now a significant issue for me. So, I started Googling. I searched colonoscopy dehydration. Nothing! An Australian product called Picoprep was the most interesting. I tried hydration products colonoscopy. No HydraLife™. I was told that Fleet Labs makes HydraLife ™. So I Googled Fleet hydration product. No HydraLife ™. Why can’t a pharmacist find a graphics-rich, easy to read, headline-heavy, to-the-point and concise monograph on the world-wide web? Maybe that’s coming. Perhaps my timing is bad. Fleet doesn’t plan their promotions around my colonoscopies.
I don’t stay stupid forever, so I finally Googled the word HydraLife ™. What did I get? The first in line is a pyramid scheme called (I wonder if Fleet knows about this) Hydralife. They sell a product called Hydralife Structure Water. I honestly cannot imagine anyone paying big money for special water, but, it was P.T. Barnum who said you can find a new sucker every minute. I did not give up. I was resolute. I clicked on the whole list that Google gave me until Eureka, there it was. The only place I could find Fleet HydraLife ™ was at a place called America Rx.com. HydraLife ™ lists for $8.99 and America Rx sells it for $6.89. So, it must be on the market.
Now, why haven’t I seen any promotional information from Fleet? Well, it is true that I ignore the ads in the magazines. Many pharmacists have a huge yawn potential when it comes to pharmaceutical advertsing. I never read the ads when they come packaged with CE programs. I pull out the continuing education and toss the rest. If a company wants to get to me, the best way is direct mail to my house. For some reason, I am not such a hard case when I take promotional materials from my mailbox. I figure that they went to a lot of trouble compiling a list of every pharmacist in the nation. I will give them some attention. I always do the taste tests and put any samples in the medicine chest. I do not trudge my way through a long and wordy monograph. That is exactly what some pharmacists and nurses love. Not me. So, include both. As simply as possible, in big colorful graphics, tell me what it does and why it is the best product and, if you convince me, I’m yours. The most effective products, the ones that do the job the best, are the ones I recommend.
After spending some time searching the web for information for this little article I’m writing, I found out that Fleets HydraLife™ is truly the ONLY hydration product designed for adults. This does not surprise me. Fleet has had its attention on bowel cleansing for decades. Dehydration is a difficulty that is not addressed by the doctor’s written instructions to drink plenty of clear liquids. My guess is that HydraLife™ is a terrific product. I’m just a little POed that I had not been educated. I honestly thought that good old Dasani water, void of electrolytes, would get me by.
I am now very clear that I do not have to suffer the symptoms of dehydration. The prep was miserable enough without the dehydration. I am just irritated that I was not told about this stuff before my colonoscopy. (I’m being redundant, I know) Next May, the night before, I’ll have a box of it ready. Yes! Box! After a lot of web hunting, I found out that you mix a packet with water. I can see a guy who is doing a Saturday 50 mile bicycle ride in 100 degree weather in Arizona carrying a packet in his pouch. The lean long distance runner. If these guys don’t get dehydrated, I’m a monkey’s uncle.
Ah, I digress. The entire colonoscopy journey is uncomfortable at best. Have any of you guys suffered from dehydration after the prep? Did you think that water was enough? How could pharmacists be so dense? Or, am I the only dumb one?
