I think that some of the readers of what I write have a faulty picture of old “Jay Pee”. I usually write about my successful transactions with my patients/customers. On occasion, I’ll tell you about the trouncings I take. There are people who just are not charmed by Jay Pee’s efforts.
I am a risk-taker. I take chances with people. It usually works out. One of the things I do is touch. In the puritanical US of A, we don’t touch enough. Touching gives a comforting message. Go to southern Europe and you get kissed and touched more in one day than in a year in Vermont.
Two decades ago, I got creamed. My eidetic memory can even recall her fragrance. It was Diorissimo. I remember the Lily of the Valley. A good-looking, but plain brunet asked my help in the feminine hygiene area. While I was stressing to her that regular douching will kill the bacillus, the good bacteria, I lightly touched her forearm.
She went ape-shit. I apologized and quickly retreated. I was told by a good customer who had observed the scene that this attractive brunet was an ex-Roman Catholic nun who had put up with regular sexual abuse from a priest. I’m still going to touch. Especially when I am reassuring a patient about her illness.
The Friday before Mothers Day, I was assured that I still have it. I can’t see it when I look in the mirror, but a customer made my day. Transporter 3 buy
I always make eye contact. I always smile if that is appropriate and I will always frown if that is what the transaction requires.
Last Friday, I made eye contact with this guy and we laughed about something. I touched his forearm and gave it a squeeze. Then he invited me to go deep sea fishing with him over the weekend. We would go way out in the Gulf of Mexico, spend the night on his boat, fish a little and come back on Sunday.
This guy is as gay as Elton John. He is always color coordinated. He gives girly-girl body messages better than any woman can. He is 5 years younger than me.
I told him that I had to prepare for Mothers Day.
“Oh….You are lucky that your mother is still alive.” He batted his eyes and moved his shoulders in a manner that no man could replicate.
“My wife,” I said.
“Oh No, I didn’t know. You are…”
“…I am straight,” I said, “But, man, thank you for the compliment. I am honored that you would find me to be attractive.
“Oh…yes. If ever……”
I have a joke that makes most customers laugh. When the copay is really low, like $1.20. I step back in mock horror and announce. “You are robbing us.” Everybody has fun laughing. Almost everyone. A grouch bucket just said, “Shut up about my copay.”
Late last night, I filled a trazodone Rx for a 67 year old woman. I had her spotted as a woman distressed. Her blonde hair was stringy and for some inexplicable reason, she had a pencil thin strand rubber banded so it hung over her left eye. She asked me if the drug is for depression.
When I gave her the Rx, I said, “So.. you are down in the dumps?” Of course, I made eye contact, but I did not smile. You don’t smile when she is depressed.
She gave me a blank look.
“That means…you got the blues, the Galveston blues.”
“I do have the blues. My son doesn’t want me to live with them anymore and the apartment is like solitary confinement.”
Of course, I touched her arm and said, “Well this is a good chance to make new friends.” That was the wrong thing to say.
“I can bake the best blueberry muffins,” she said, boring me with her eyes. “They will melt in your mouth.”
“I’ll bet they are delicious.” Oh oh, I was feeling a little tense. Please, I thought. No, please do not invite me to your apartment.
“Do you like Lou Rawls?”
“I do enjoy Lou Rawls.” I cringed.
“We can listen to Lou Rawls and I’ll bake the muffins. I like Cognac. Do you like Cognac?”
This was killing me. She had gone from a face that said death-is-coming-soon to classic I-might-get-laid-tonight body language.
I took a deep breath and lied to her. “I feel like I am getting the Swine Flu.”
“Do you feel sick?” Henry Poole Is Here release
What was I thinking? “My body aches all over and I just need to go home and get some sleep.” I immediately regretted it. Someday I’ll have to tell her the truth, but last night, I did not want to add more weight to her blue mood.
It is all about balance, you guys. My shtick usually makes me a winner, but there are times when I plummet off the high wire.
Take a chance, you guys. Relax. Be yourself. Connect with these people.
When Vladimir Horowitz, the brilliant piano maestro was asked how he could play so perfectly, with no mistakes, he said, “I always make mistakes. The secret is to blend the mistakes in so no one notices them.
Balance! There is an old Japanese proverb: Even monkeys fall out of trees.